1. United States
2. Fla.
3. Letter

I hope this letter finds you in good spirits—perhaps celebrating yet another unprecedented achievement. After all, Mr. Trump, you do love being "the first" at everything, and congratulations may soon be in order for single-handedly steering the country toward a recession. That takes real talent! The stock market, once touted as your personal scoreboard, is now in free fall, wiping out the retirement savings of hardworking Americans. But who needs financial security when we have your timeless wisdom to guide us? I'm sure those nearing retirement will be thrilled to hear that, instead of a nest egg, they’ll have the honor of watching history unfold—your history, of course. I imagine your office is hard at work spinning this into yet another "win" for the American people. Perhaps you’ll say it's a “necessary correction,” or blame the media, or—why not?—throw in some Hunter Biden references for good measure. The real victims here, I’m sure, are the billionaires who might only be able to afford two yachts instead of three. It’s comforting to know that while Americans struggle, Wall Street execs will still have a safety net—funded, no doubt, by taxpayers. But hey, at least we have trickle-down economics to rely on! Any day now, I’m sure those shattered 401(k)s will magically refill themselves, just like Mexico paid for the wall. I look forward to your next press conference, where I'm sure you’ll assure us that everything is "perfect," "beautiful," and "the best recession anyone has ever seen."